Racism For Dummies

Once upon a time (in 1861) in these United States of America there were thirty four states existing in unison.  That was until January 1861 when seven Southern slave states (South Carolina, Mississippi, Florida, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana and Texas) decided that they didn’t like how the “Northern” states were handling their business in regard to slave ownership.  The plantation owners (mainly cotton) didn’t like being told that their property (the African-American workers) were to be set free!  Who would work the cotton fields?  No sir.  No how.  No way.  The Southern states didn’t want anything to do with the lousy government any more and decided to secede from the Union.  In fact…the seven Southern States decided they were going to start their own mini-United States and call it, “The Confederate States of America” because they really liked the word “America” and were going to keep that word just to piss off the Northern States. 

The reason they decided to secede from the Union was because a Republican, Abraham Lincoln, was voted into the Presidential Office just months before (in November 1860) and would take his Oath of Office in January 1861.  They were NOT going to have a free-thinker lead them around.  Abraham Lincoln vehemently opposed the expansion of slavery, and vowed to get rid of slavery all together in his term as POTUS. The “Confederacy” were relying on European nations (like Great Britain and France) to back up their fight because the European countries relied on the Southern state’s cotton and their plantation system, which heavily relied on slaves to be able to run smoothly and keep labor costs down.  But the European nations wanted no part of the rivalry between the two American sanctions.  They didn’t even recognize the Southern states as their own entity apart from the Union. 

*grumble, grumble, we want no part of this horrible government*

So the Southern slave states tried to break free.  But the Union (the government of the United States) didn’t accept the Southern slave state’s requests for secession and considered the Confederacy to be illegitimate.  To secede would be treason. 

*grumble, grumble, aww HELL no!  You aren’t taking our slaves. War!! grumble, grumble*

The American Civil War between the North and the South began with the Confederate attack on Fort Sumter on April 12, 1861.  Fort Sumter is a Union (government) fort located in the harbor in Charleston, South Carolina….on Confederacy territory.  In fact,  most of the fighting during the Civil War was done on the land of the Southern slave states.  After war was declared in April 1861, four more states up in the North had decided to secede as well and join the seven original Southern slave states in their aggressive attempt at breaking free from the Union that Abraham Lincoln was now in charge of.  These “Upper States” that joined the original seven were Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee and Arkansas.  The first blood wasn’t seen until 7 days later during the Baltimore Riot in Maryland on April 19, 1861.  

*owwww…fuck!  Someone hurry up and invent Bandaids!* 

Abraham Lincoln and his remaining 23 Northern states attacked.  They arrested state legislators and set up a naval blockade that would cripple the south’s economy.  No ships in…no ships out.  The Eastern Theater campaign was set up by the Northern states in the autumn of 1862 by the Army of the Potomac to try to seize the Confederate capitol in Richmond, Virginia.  President Lincoln then issued the Emancipation Proclamation on January 1, 1863 that made ending all of slavery a war goal.

*Say what??  But who will make beer runs and clean out my chewbaccy tin??* 

Meanwhile, to the West (called the Western Theater), the Northern states were battling the Confederacy and destroyed the Confederate river navy and most of the Confederate army.  The Union siege at Vicksburg in 1863 split the Confederate army in two at the Mississippi River.  The Confederacy’s leader, Robert E. Lee, headed to Gettysburg, where his incursion ended at the Battle of Gettysburg.  The Northern Union rampage against the Confederacy was such a success in the west that Ulysses S. Grant was proclaimed Commander General of all Union armies in 1864.  

*Fuck.  I just bought that great plantation on the California seaboard too.  grumble, grumble Someone take the Confederate flag off the pole waving in the front yard* 

Meanwhile, Robert E. Lee wasn’t getting anywhere in Richmond (which is the home of the Confederate Armies) during the ten month Siege of Petersburg since Union armies were all over the place like white on rice.  So he decided to fall back and get all his Confederate soldiers to meet up at the Appomattox Courthouse so they could head back to the west.  When they arrived on the morning of April 9, 1865 to regroup, they found the Union army, lead by Ulysses S. Grant, waiting for them.  And this is where the American Civil War had ended.  Robert S. Lee – a traitor to the United States – surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant.

*Hands up.  Don’t musket me. I’m white.  grumble grumble* 

Great Britain and France called the now defunct Confederate States (and their attempt at throwing a huge temper tantrum because they couldn’t own black slaves) the “Belligerent States”.  

The Confederate Flag that is under much controversy is the flag that the racist, white-supremacists flew during their war as a symbol of treason and idiocy.  It’s also a banner of racism and blatant defiance.  Sure, I understand that everyone (even the Confederacy) has a right to free speech and liberty…but not at the expense of another human being. For anyone to say “the flag represents our heritage” is dumb.  Your heritage is racism and bad behavior?  Who would even admit to that?  I know who would admit to that….anyone who didn’t know what the American Civil War was about and either didn’t pay attention in History class at school, or never completed their education.  That’s who.