I Think I Can

After years of being our neighbor, a friend of ours moved into a spacious house complete with a garage. The garage, however, did not have a garage door opener already installed. So she purchased the garage door opener and asked Tim if I could install the thing. I have NEVER installed a garage door opener in my life, I have never wanted to install a garage door opener in my life, and I never dreamed I would install a garage door opener in my life.  Know what we did this week?  We installed a garage door opener. 

I say “we” installed the opener because it was more of a group effort. The homeowner (Q is his name) did the muscley-hold-that-up work. Tim did the hold-the-ladder-so-I-don’t-bust-my-ass-work, and I put it all together from scratch and put it up on the door. 

Word of advice…if you’re ever going to install anything in the garage in Florida while it’s 95+ degrees in that little windowless box and the sun is beating down directly onto the space you’re attempting to work in…DON’T.  We almost died of heat exhaustion. Q, Tim and I were all dripping by the time we got out of that garage. We were all smelling pretty rank and the smells were mixing with the baby diaper wastebasket smell that was in the garage with us. 

To be fair – it took us a total of three days spread out in the course of a week to put this bitch up. 

Day 1 involved connecting the track and the pully to the motor.  That was it. We had enough of the heat for one day. We would come back.

Day 2 found us tweaking the track, attaching the unit to the ceiling and the actual garage door and install all the wiring. We also had to align the safety sensors so that no one will get crushed if the door comes rolling down and a child or a dog isn’t paying attention. After 4 hours in that heat box and those smells I voted we opt out of the safety sensor placement.  If anyone gets crushed, then they deserved it if they couldn’t hear the door rolling down.  It made enough noise. But I was out-voted by the other two goody-two-shoes and we had to spend another hour placing those damned safety sensors. Day two was done.  We would convene when it was less smoldering in the days ahead. 

When we got home I kept telling Tim I don’t know why he would volunteer me to put up a garage door opener. I don’t know how to do it. I wasn’t built to do it. And I hated the now 100+ heat in that box. But we had one more day to get through. And it was mostly all the wi-fi and remote set ups.  It would be less heat time.  So….

Day 3 found us connecting all the wires, attaching the remotes panels to the outside and inside, and “teaching” the unit to talk to all the remotes and how to find the app on the smart phones. This time we started in the early morning before the sun could bite us. 

NOTHING was easy on this bitch. I cursed it the entire time we were putting it up. I cursed the heat. I cursed the very idea that these lazy ass people needed a garage door opener. Just get out of the car and open up the door like a normal person! Most of us don’t even have a garage so they should feel lucky to have one.  You know – normal grumpy-hot-as-fuck-get-me-out-of-here old man stuff.  I cursed Tim for volunteering me to do this job. I cursed basically everything that could be cursed. But we got it done. Tim and Christina (she is the 20 something daughter of the house who is tech-savvy) set up all the remotes. I positioned the wall remotes up. Closed up the unit and the door opener is now fully operational.  

The moral of this story is:

A). Whatever professional garage door installers are making to put one of these things up isn’t enough. They need to charge more. We made no money. We did it out of friendship. But I told Tim that we should’ve charged like $5,ooo.  He insisted that was too much. But I didn’t think so. 

B). I can actually install a garage door opener. I honestly didn’t think I could do it. I was constantly telling Tim that I couldn’t do this and I don’t even know why were trying. But we did it. It works and everything! I’m guessing there’s nothing I can’t do if I put my mind to it. I’ve never been one of those lazy people who just say I can’t and don’t even try. Give me a set of instructions and some tools and I’m on the job. 

C). Never install a garage door opener from June to October in Florida. Unless you want to be on the edge of heatstroke or want to lose some weight because that garage was a friggun sauna the entire time. 

D). Tim and I work well together. We push each other through the hard parts and just get the shit done. Even when I don’t think there’s any possible way in hell that we can do it.  We can do it. And we did it. 

Enjoy your garage door opener, Tina. I better see you playing with the damned thing every time we visit you.