Take Me Somewhere Else
Today was THE day that I said goodbye to a part of my body. If you’ve been reading my blog (and I know you have!) you’ll know I had found a lump(s) in my testicles. Well – today was my surgery to remove the bad stuff and then take a week or so to heal.
Currently – I am on the bed typing this on my laptop. My surgery was at the ungodly hour of 6:15am this morning. Who does surgery that early in the morning?? I asked the nurses (Mark, Ashley, and Esther) if they had consumed coffee. It was important to me that everyone was in a GOOD mood before digging into my southern region. They concurred that they had. I was arm-banded, IV drilled, warm-blanket-draped, temperatured, and vital signed in. The the doctor walked in.
I don’t see many doctors. Especially Urologists. Dr. Bertram Lewis Jr., MD, PhD is the only one I know. I actually feel like I picked the best doctor walking this Earth. This man not only tells me everything he’s going to do, he gives me a report of everything he has said he was going to do. I have a folder that is getting pretty thick of my reports to his office. After the nurses did their poking and prodding, Dr. Lewis walked in to tell me exactly what he was planning to do. And then, he uncovered my bits and pieces to re-examine me. He then (get this) signed his initials where he was planning on dissecting me. And why not? Surgery is his art, and every artist signs their work. I thought this was pretty cool. My good guess is that he signed the spot where he was going to be working so no one goes to the OTHER side. I’ve heard that can happen.
Next up was the Anesthesiologist. I really don’t remember his name. NICE guy and there was a woman with him. The entire time Tim sat to my left watching this all take place. The anesthesiologist then said they were ready to take me and asked Tim if he wanted to say goodbye to me. Tim reached over and kissed me (we kiss three times, always. It means “I Love You” in kiss-speak). No one in the room reacted at all. I thought this was the sweetest fucking thing and this hospital, the doctor, and his team were too damned cool about it all. Maybe we ARE in the year 2019 now.
And that’s all I remember. Tim was the last person I remember seeing. As I was kissing him “see you later” the anesthesiologist had been pumping sleepy time juice into my IV.
According to all the paperwork I received, Dr. Lewis had performed a Radical Orchiectomy. Or – in people speak – removal of testicles. Tim said it took 3 hours (because, remember, I also had two large lumps swimming around in the pool down there) but it felt like 2 minutes to me. I saw Tim kissing me, and then Jimmy (the RN in the recovery room) was waking me up. Two minutes, tops. Jimmy took out the IV sticking out of my arm, unblanketed me, gave me time to put my street clothes back on and was an all around great guy. He even gave me a card of well wishes.
I feel like from the time I walked into Reception (at friggun 6:15am) to the time I was walking to the car – it was under an hour. But we got home at 1:38pm. This included a stop at CVS pharmacy for pain killers, ointment for healing, and a stool softner that had been sent in from the hospital before I left. Tim got the raw deal of all of this. That was 7 hours of waiting, and waiting, and visiting the commissary, and waiting. When we got home – he slept. He deserved it. He’s my rock and this entire experience is justification as to why.
So that was day ONE. I’ll update to let you know what happens. I’m hoping that this documented adventure will send at least ONE man who experiences a lump in testicles to go get it checked out. I understand we’re men and we can handle shit. Sometimes, though, shit gets out of hand. Don’t let what happened to me happen to you. I was stupid. Don’t be stupid. I didn’t want strangers looking at “the boys”. The first time, I was shy. The second time I was less shy. By the time I got to the fourth stranger looking at my junk – I was ready to show anyone who asked to see it. In fact, I took pictures before and after. Well…I didn’t…Tim did. I took them so that I can show anyone who is going through this to just ask, and I’ll show you what I’m going through.
Day TWO update tomorrow.
(Note: Day ONE I am feeling no pain because I am on painkillers. One every four hours. I’m not hungry though. My throat is killing me because they stick some kind of hose down my throat to help me breathe. And taking a piss hurt like a mofo! I learned they stuck a catheter in me. Which makes sense, who wants a sleeping dude to piss all over the place when you’re trying to perform surgery? But I NEVER want to go through that again. Ever. No sticking anything IN my OUT hole of my penis. It doesn’t work that way.)