Take Me Somewhere Else
It seems that – for a very long time – whenever I have an opinion on something on the internet, people have a different opinion. Which is fine. I have an open mind and welcome the challenge to my brain. When it comes to conversations with people in real life (IRL), no one really argues with me. If they do, we don’t go into an all out battle about our differences.
Differences are what makes us unique. Differences are what makes us grow as humans. Being shielded from one side and refusing to even look over the fence that divides us is unfair to the concept of diversity. When I say that you have a good point, that’s no reason to spike the dialogue ball and do a victory dance in the topic end zone. It means that I see your point and have considered it. I’m not seeing a lot of that coming in my direction. So I’ve grown tired of internet discussions. Some of you have probably noticed my waning appearances. Every single day I was getting into heated discussions with people who just will not budge from their ideals and realize that maybe, just maybe, they’re wrong about what they’re talking about.
The latest “discussion” I had was about being hot vs being cold. I know, stupid topic right out of the gate. The trolls on certain social sites were all over my discussion to either be noticed, or to jizz all over their monitors while they argued with me because it sort of gets them off to just disagree. About anything.
Here’s my view: I would much rather be cold than be hot. Even though I live in the middle of Florida where it rarely ever gets cold. Except…this month has been colder than I ever remember it being in the past. When it’s hot, it’s hard to breathe. Especially with the humidity levels being so high here. I get lethargic when it’s warm. All I want to ever do is sleep.
Then there’s the whole sweating issue. I normally don’t sweat, but when I do it comes out of pores I didn’t even know I had. Along with the sweat comes body odor. There is nothing worse than being in a store and smelling really funky people who don’t know what body cleansing is.
Try going into your car when the temperature outside has been 90+ degrees all day. There are times I can’t even touch the steering wheel for at least 10 minutes after starting the car because it’ll burn the prints right off of my fingers.
Getting relief from the heat is difficult. Standing in front of the refrigerator with the freezer door open for extended periods of time only work in a pinch. And the cool relief doesn’t last for very long. You can only take off so many items of clothing before you become indecent while standing in the kitchen with the refrigerator wide open.
On the cold argument: I lose all feeling in my fingertips when the temperature dips below 40 degrees or so. I know…I know…China makes gloves for sale at Walmart. Good luck trying to purchase gloves in Florida. There’s probably only 10 pair per store and those are always gone by the time I buckle up and decide I’m going to wuss out and get gloves. The stores are usually sold out. So no gloves there.
But I can breathe! My breathing is evident from the fog coming out of my nostrils. That lasts only a few seconds, though, since my sinuses will either freeze up and close off that respiratory avenue, or my sinuses will go the way of sludge and snot. Either way…I then become a mouth-breather.
Being in the cold – if I get TOO cold, I can throw on a jacket, or cuddle up in blankets, or stand in a hot shower, or hug a cup of hot coffee. I can over-compensate for the cold, I can’t under-compensate for the heat.
In the heat, you can get heat stroke or high blood pressure. There’s always a good chance of sunburn even though you’ve stepped outside for only 30 minutes. I do believe that’s where the term “red neck” came from. If it isn’t…then it should be a top contender for the reason the term was coined.
In the cold, you can get hypothermia. The chances of getting a cold or flu are greater from being in the cold.
In the heat, your testicles drop to your knees and your nipples are sweaty.
In the cold it’s the opposite, your testicles get sucked up into your intestines and your nipples can cut glass.
For the foodies:
In the heat, Coronas taste so much better. Ice cream hits the spot. Ice cubes become sexy in the bedroom.
In the cold, if I could fuck a cup of hot chocolate without scalding myself…I totally would. Homemade chicken soup is the best damn thing ever, and popcorn isn’t just a healthy snack – it’s warm on your fingertips! Oh, and tequila shots that go down warm are the best gift ever.
So, even though I am in a tropical paradise for some, I have to say that I would much rather be cold than hot. With that being said…I have only experienced the extreme heat. I have never experienced the frigid temperatures the rest of the country has experienced this month. I think we fell below freezing twice so far. I didn’t step outside at all until I saw that the first number in the temperature was a 4 or above. I know for a fact that I would not survive in the -20s or so. But the cold weather continues to have my vote until the heat can come up with better ways to battle it. I can make snow men in the snow. What the hell can I make in the desert?? Nothing. Not even spit. The cold wins for me.
This is the beginning of our continuing series we’ll call “VS”. Be sure to check back for other topics in our VS series.