I’m sure if you’ve read my blog before, you already know there is a lot of shit that bugs me.  I’m getting to be an old man so I think I am entitled to be a little bit grumpy about things.  Like….

1)…..these stupid sayings everyone has down here in the south.  Whenever someone can’t explain something or give me a reasoning behind their actions…they let it go with an “It is what it is”.  Yeah…it is!  But why is it what it is??  And how can we change what it is to what it’s supposed to be?  Everytime I hear “It is what it is”…I growl.  Almost as loud as when…

2)…..I look at my skin and wonder where has the time gone?  I remember when I was a kid and I used to touch and look and feel my grandmother’s skin and wonder why her skin looked different than mine.  It didn’t stretch and it had these little squares all over it.  NOW…I have my grandmother’s skin.  I moisturize, I scrub, I do everything possible to keep my skin from falling into the “Grandma” category, but it listens just about as well as…

3)…..the old farts that meander down the two lane highway for 20 miles at the same speed they would normally truck down their dirt road at home.  This is a paved highway!  Let’s get the speed up some, Pokey!! I would speed past them if there wasn’t yet another one right ahead of them doing the very same slow motion.  They most certainly must live on the same dirt road or…

4)…..dodge and dive the thousand potholes in the roads here.  It is unreal how many potholes there are here in Dade City.  And not just holes…I’m talking craters!!  With all of the money the county spends on filling the potholes over and over and over…you’d think it would be cheaper just to repave the entire road and get it over with.  Driving down these roads is like playing a video game.  Tim calls it “Frogger” since I have to duck and dive and steer a sharp right or left to avoid the holes.  I dare someone to give me a ticket for reckless driving because I swear that I’ll…..

5)…..let it out that the cop cars I’ve been observing lately do not come to a complete stop when they come to a stop sign.  The police cars seem to see YIELD when they get to these stop signs.  It’s very lucky that I don’t have some sort of “citizens arrest” powers.  I’d have half of these cops who force us to obey the law NOT obeying the laws themselves so broke with fines.  Does the shield make them above the law??  If so…I have a shield that I got when I was back in Junior Discovery quite a few years ago.  I’ll find that badge if I have to.  Then I swear I’ll start pulling the police over for things I catch them doing.  They will….

6)….Respect mah autharitah!!  I am 47 years old now.  When I have something to say to you because I see you going down the same hopeless road that I went down once (or twice or three times)…listen up!  I’m going to pretty much tell you how I avoided the same mistakes.  I’m trying to save you some heartache and some hard falls.  Don’t look at me like I’m full of shit only to find out some days later that I was absolutely right.  I think I pretty much know….

8)….that I have turned into my father somewhere down the road.  Things I swore I would never do because my father did them…guess what??  I’m doing them exactly.  Saying things like “kids nowadays” while I shake my head in disgust.  Cursing out loud at people while I’m driving like they can actually hear me.  I even find myself offering threats of bodily harm to the tv while I’m watching a football game, “if you don’t make this field goal so help me gawd I’ll break your legs myself!”. I’m also finding myself with very little patience to those who…..

9)……say “hunh?” after you say something to them.  You know damn well they heard you.  But their habit is to say “hunh?” like they didn’t hear you.  Tim does that A LOT!  I’ll say something and he says “Hunh?” and then I have to tell him “you heard me” and then he says “yeah…oh yeah…I did” and then answers my question.  WHY did we have to go through the “hunh?” step??  I would gain so much time on the end of my life if I added up all the “hunh?”s I had to go through and wasted my time with.  It’s almost as bad as…..

10)……stupid questions.  I just told someone I’m driving into Tampa.  They then asked “are you in your office?”.  Ummmm…no dumbass.  I just said I’m driving.  To Tampa.  Which is not where my office is.  No one pays attention anymore.  Listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth.  Or…read what I’m writing you.  I’m way too old now to spend time repeating myself.  Which I don’t like to do anyway.  Here’s a perfect example that just now happened:

And that will do it for now.  I have so many more that I could write about.  But I’ll give you a dose of ten at a time.  Or you’ll go as mad as I am.  haha  Enjoy your week!

“Hey asshole….want to pick up the pace some here???  It’s a ‘highway’….not a ‘dieway’!!  Jeezy Chreezy!!”

A few years ago, I developed a bubble.  You can’t really see it, because it’s imaginary.  But it exists.  I put it in place because I seriously got tired of all the drama that did NOT concern me.  It’s been working well for me.  So I thought I’d pass the idea on to you.

Let’s use the Mosque in New York, for example.  Sure…I have American pride.  I have a sense of loss over the tragedy that happened 9 years ago this very month.  The erection of a Mosque in New York City is happening thousands of miles from me in a place that I will certainly never set foot in again.  It’s NOT in my bubble.  So I’m not going to stress over it.

Lindsay Lohan going to rehab only to get out and end up drinking again…it’s not in my bubble.  I do not care.

Justin getting a vehicle so he can get back and forth to college…that’s in my bubble.  I care about that.

Tim having nightsweats and not feeling very well…in my bubble.  I am concerned when that happens.

Some lady placing a cat in a garbage bin in England…not in my bubble.  I do not care.

See how that works?  It should work that way for you, too.  Why do people get so stressed out over something they can’t control?  I see so many people getting upset over politics.  You can vote…but ultimately…you can’t change anything that is beyond your control.  Or outside of your bubble.  If you just tend to what is going on inside your own bubble, the rest of the junk going on outside of your bubble becomes background noise.

Once you get your bubble established, then you can place your priorities in any order you like.  The greatest part is that they are YOUR priorities. No one will be able to change them but you.

Animal cruelty has been going on since the dawn of time.  I would think eating ribs is animal cruelty at some point.  Yeah?  Someone had to come up with the idea of chicken wings.  And animal cruelty is going to go on for years to come.  Just take care of the animals in your own bubble.  Don’t worry or stress over those that are outside of your sphere.

I watch the news daily.  Although I’m not really sure why I do.  The news is usually about someone who’s car got sucked into a sinkhole (it’s nature…we’re invading it’s space…it’s going to happen) or a trial over someone who entered a home and raped the 67 year old lady who owns the home.  Tragic…yes.  In my bubble…no.  Let him try to come into MY home and rape me.  I would totally be the one on trial then.  And he wouldn’t walk right for years.  My bubble…my rules.

Want less stress?  Try keeping your nose out of everyone elses bubble…and stay inside yours.  You’ll see your stress level go way down.  Let me know how it works out for you.  But only if I invite you into my bubble.  =)

You know you’re a Floridian if….

* You never use an umbrella because the rain will be over in five minutes.

* You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average

* Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005

* “Down South” means Key West

* You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.

* You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

* Your winter coat is made of denim.

* You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

* Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

* You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.

* You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

* You recognize Miami-Dade as ‘ Northern Cuba ‘

* You dread love bug season.

* You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.

* You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan, Jeanne & Wilma…Irene…Cheryl…Rita Mary… Alison

* You know what a snowbird is and when they’ll leave.

* Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

* You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

* You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

* A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

* You’ve hosted a hurricane party.

* You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee , Thonotosassa and Micanopy.

* You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

* You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.

* A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

3am in the morning and I’m having a conversation with the guys about friendship.  It’s funny how this conversation comes up since I’ve been re-evaluating a few friendships myself lately.

For me…there has to be some sort of motivation to maintain a friendship.  Don’t get me wrong, I know there are all sorts of factors that belong in any relationship…even friendships.  I don’t behave with one friend like I do another.  But I DO expect some sort of reciprocation in a friendship.  If the give and take aspect becomes Chuck doing all the giving…I tend to wonder what exactly am I getting out of this relationship other than aggravation and heartache?

If I invest my energy into a friendship, I think it’s only fair I receive some of that energy in return.  I don’t think I’m greedy.  I place value and respect on my friend.  I don’t see any reason why I can’t get value and respect back.  If I take the time out to establish a commitment to someone, I want some sort of commitment back.  Telling me “you’re too busy” or “work has you hopping” is just your nice way of telling me to “fuck off”.  I would respect you so much more if you said “fuck off” instead of doing the little avoidance dance.  Anyone in my social circle will tell you that I am not fake with any of them.  No need to throw fake back at me.

People evolve…they grow…they find new friends that take up their time.  I understand that.  And, in the long run, I expect to be placed on the back burner for a few days.  But when days turns into weeks and weeks into months…it’s pretty safe to say we can move on.  I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt.  Especially if I’ve known someone for a year or more.  I’ve grown attached to their presence. The small talk that takes place after we do “catch up” a year or so later is just not the game I like to play.  And I won’t.

So yeah…I’ve had to re-evaluate the word “friend” when someone says they’re my friend.  I find it hard to say “I love you” to anyone anymore. People throw that phrase around like “God bless you” after a sneeze.  They don’t mean it…it’s just the thing to say when someone sneezes. If I say “I love you” I mean it.  And those I’ve said it to KNOW that I do.

The weird thing is that even after a lengthy period of silence…even after I’ve said that we need to move on…I honestly think that it would take only a phone call and within 20 minutes it would be like we weren’t apart.

Ok…this is the end of my rapid fire.  I have to cook for Justin before he blows up my kitchen with his cooking talent or lack thereof.  =)

Honestly, I cannot stop singing this song since I remixed it for BOOM’s broadcast.  And I mention the video once or twice on BOOM! I just had someone tell me they’ve not seen the video yet…so wait no more.  Here it is.  I put the lyrics under the video so you can sing along.  You’re welcome!

I know that we are young.
And I know you may love me.
But I just can’t be with you like this anymore.
Alejandro.

She’s got both hands
in her pocket.
And she won’t look at you,
Won’t look at you

She hides true love
En su bolsillo.
She’s got a halo ’round her finger.
Around you.

You know that I love you boy.
Hot like Mexico, rejoice.
At this point I gotta choose,
nothing to loose.

Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Alejandro.
I’m not your babe.
I’m not your babe, Fernando.

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch.
Just smoke one cigarette and hush.
Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Roberto.

Alejandro.
Alejandro.
Ale-ale-jandro.
Ale-ale-jandro. [2x]

(Just stop. Please. Just let me go. Alejandro. Just let me go.)

She’s not broken,
She’s just a baby.
But her boyfriend’s like a dad, just like a dad.
and all those flames that burned before him.
Now he’s gonna fight your fight, gonna cool the bad.

You know that I love you boy.
Hot like Mexico, rejoice.
At this point I gotta choose,
nothing to loose

Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Alejandro.
I’m not your babe.
I’m not your babe, Fernando.

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch.
Just smoke my cigarette and hush.
Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Roberto.

Alejandro.
Alejandro.
Ale-ale-jandro.
Ale-ale-jandro. [2x]

Don’t bother me.
Don’t bother me. Alejandro
Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Fernando.

I’m not your babe.
I’m not your babe, Alejandro.

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch. Fernando.
Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Alejandro.
I’m not your babe.
I’m not your babe, Fernando.

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch.
Just smoke my cigarette and hush.
Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Roberto.

Alejandro.
Alejandro.
Ale-ale-jandro.
Ale-ale-jandro. [2x]

Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Alejandro.
I’m not your babe.
I’m not your babe, Fernando.

Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch.
Just smoke my cigarette and hush.
Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Roberto.

Alejandro.

There aren’t many things that piss me off….ok….I’m lying.  Here’s a list:

1).  Dishes left in the sink.  I’m not sure if I’m a germophobe or not.  I have yet to be diagnosed.  But I cannot stand to go into the kitchen and see the sink loaded with dishes to wash.  When I wash the 40 things in the sink…I can count 2 that I put in there.  Why only 2?  Because when I have a dirty dish…I usually wash it to get it out of the way.  I also wash my dishes and pans as I’m cooking so they’re not dirty later.  That gives me plenty of time to….

2)….listen to the news in the morning.  I need to see how the weather is going to shape up for the day.  It’s Florida…I know it’ll rain in the afternoon.  But while I’m waiting for the news…I have to listen to the other crap in between.  Like the news reporter telling me to “check this out“.  WHEN did they start telling me to “check this out”?? I’m not 14.  Aren’t these people supposed to bring me the news in a professional manner and not like we’re buddies sitting in the bleachers at a baseball game?  YOU check this out while I switch the channels.  Only to find out that the other channel …..

3)….cannot spell!  Isn’t there some sort of editing person who checks on the spelling that will be flashing on my screen?  “Three alarm fire destroys chruch”.  Really??  I have no idea what a “chruch” is.  And they spelled “light sprinkles” as “light sprinkels”.  Who’s not paying attention here?  It’s almost as if….

4)….my zipper was down and no one told me about it the entire day!  I know SOMEONE had to be looking at my goods today and not one person warned me that my cow was about to escape from the barn.  Trust me…if I see your zipper down…I WILL tell you about it.  I think of it as a favor to you!  I wonder how many people are walking around today thinking to themselves how Chuck’s zipper was down. They don’t have any problem telling me….

5). ….that I can get a look at my credit score for free.  Only to find out when I get to the website that I have to enroll in some credit reporting somethingorother that will cost me $14.99 a month.  Are you nuts??  I just wanted to see what my credit score is.  Do you want all of my money??  I’m sorry…you can’t have it because….

6)….the cable company has every dime that I possess.  Here in the country, we have only ONE option for cable/internet/phone service.  And that’s Brighthouse.  Who will rape you for every cent they can get.  And then give you attitude when you go to ask them WHY your bill is so high.  But wait…you pay the stupid bill (after putting another bill on the back burner) only to get a new bill the very next day.  What??  I just paid this bill!  They tell me the bill is pre-printed and that is for the next month.  Shouldn’t I wait until I actually USE a month before I have to pay for it?  Does someone there need a…..

7)…..calculator?  Who’s bright idea was it to put the numbers on a calculator totally upside down from the numbers on the telephone?  Did a group of people from Texas Instruments all sit around a conference table to snicker and hoo-haw it up while they came up with this little design plan?  “Let’s fuck with people…let’s put the 123 at the top instead of the bottom” “oh yeah!  Awesome! That’ll confuse everyone!” *giggle giggle*.  That pisses me off almost as much as…..

8)….having the Emergency Response System test during a tv show I’ve waited ALL week to come on.  I don’t watch much tv…but when I do I would like the show to be uninterrupted.  But nope.  The beeeeeeeep comes on really loud and then some 90 year old man has to tell me that this is a test of the Emergency Response System.  And had this been an actual emergency…yadda yadda blah blah blah.  If there was an actual emergency…do you really think the electric would still be on that powers the tv???  The electric goes off here when it spits rain.  I’m going to end up dying because I didn’t get the ERS at an appropriate time.  Stupid fucking….

9)…..acronyms!  They piss me off to no end.  And now they’re being used more and more.  Not just OMG and LMAO…which are bad enough…but like when I’m on a website and it tells me to go to the RDP (research and development page) when I’m working on my iPhone SDK (software development kit).  If you talk like that to me in person…I’m going to smack you.  Unless, of course, you tell me…..

10)…..olive juice.  Turns out that if someone is across the room and you mouth the words “olive juice” to them…they think you’re saying “I love you”.  Go ahead….try it….I’ll wait.  See what I mean?  I actually didn’t commit to an emotional act.  I was  trying to see if you had olive juice that I could borrow.  Whatever!  haha  At least I didn’t….

11)….do one of those dumb advertisements that pop up all over my tv screen while I’m watching anything on Bravo, or TNT, or FX.  Why do I need my television experience interrupted constantly by these things that pop up all over the place???  They’re almost as bad as….

12)….CNN or FOX or MSNBC who do the scrolling thing at the bottom.  And while we’re at it…isn’t the news supposed to be biased??  It seems to me they’re a little bit one sided.  That’s why I gave up on them a year or so ago.  I don’t need your opinion!  I have one of my very own.  I’ve nurtured it and grown it to be respectful and not hate.  I have found out that when I DO hate…I just end up….

….getting pissed off.  Seriously…..wtf??

Move over Angelina Jolie and Uma Thurman….there’s a new kid in town.  And that’s exactly what this trained killer is – a kid!  Chloe Moretz has taken over the female action lead.  NO doubt!

Kick Ass starts off about an avid comic book lover who thinks the world needs superheroes.  He’s an unnoticed geek type in high school with no special skills and doesn’t even know how to go about being a superhero. He buys a scuba suit online and turns it into his costume.  He’s tired of thugs taking all of his money and beating up on him and he’s going to do something about it.  As his life is in peril and he’s surely about to die while in Kick Ass mode…he meets Hit-Girl and Big Daddy who are SERIOUS superheroes out for revenge.

As they sort of team up they meet Red Mist who isn’t exactly a superhero, but more of a decoy who just happens to be the son of the evil drug lord in New York.  Without giving the movie away….Kick Ass finds out that he is way out of his league with the new superheroes he meets.

As we were watching what I thought was going to be a “kiddy movie”, I was thrown by the murder and mayhem and wow…the new superheroes!!  Hit Girl totally makes Batman look lame.  haha  And she’s only 11 years old!  I thought it was odd that the movie was rated R.  And then I understood why while watching the movie.  You’ll have to watch it to see what I mean.  The “Wow Factor” is at a 10!  There was shit going on that I never even expected.  I was excited to see that Kick Ass 2 is in production and should be released in 2012.

I have to say that I hope Jake Gyllenhaal doesn’t read this next part…but I totally have a new crush!  Aaron Johnson (who plays Kick Ass) is hot as hell!  Screw Team Jacob or Team Edward….I’m on Team Kick Ass.

I was talking to my awesome neighbor (Debbie) about the days we used to have to go digging through the personal ads in our local newspaper to find a possible date.  Or somewhat close to one!  Or a sleazy encounter (which is always exciting!) The best paper to do that here in the Tampa Bay Area was called “Creative Loafing”.  The only reason I even picked up that paper every week was to go through the ads to see if there was anyone I knew and possibly come across someone I didn’t know but wanted to.  It passed the time for me while I was managing the restaurants.  So what…I was curious.

I remember when they came out with the sex lines.  Not just straight ones…but gay ones too!  I actually never called any of those lines because I can’t talk to a guy face to face if I find him remotely attractive.  My lips don’t work in time with my brain.  So I know I could never do it on the phone.  I’ve tried the phone sex thing once….I ruined the moment by laughing.  I couldn’t help it.  The dude was funny.  He wasn’t sexy at all.

After the Y2K scare…the internet took over where the papers and the phone left off.  So many websites to meet so many guys and the search wasn’t restricted to a 50 mile radius from where I sat. I could connect with someone in Europe!!  (I’m a sucker for accents.  If I can understand them.) The sad news was they were in Europe and I could never get to them.  At the beginning of the internet craze, however, I had just met Tim.  So I was pretty set with the hunting business.

I HAVE found out some interesting things on the online hunt, though.  For instance:
When I told guys I was in my 40s…they automatically assumed I was ancient and had absolutely no interest in me.  Even though I am a former model and hot as fuck!  (ok…maybe warm as shit.  We can safely go there).  But when I told them I am really 29….the interest peaked!  I got so many notes and emails that I could hardly keep up with them!  Ageism totally exists online.  Even with the guys above 35.  There were guys in their 40s who wanted only young guys.  Which…in a way…is just plain creepy and dateline-ish.

So I tested pictures.  I will never misrepresent myself in pictures.  Too many guys do that as it is.  It’s just wrong.  I use my own pictures.  I’m not a photographer…so they’re not even good pictures.  I got some great responses from that.  A few guys automatically thought I am “fem” because of the hair.  If you know me…you know I am not womanly AT ALL.  Not only is there ageism…there’s the whole “judging the book by it’s hair” thing going on.  I’m a skinny fugger because…I’m not sure why…I just am.  I eat!  And I’m not sick.  I just will never be fat.

Which brings me to the shallowness of these people placing these ads.  They are sitting there constructing profiles on dating sites and are looking for tall, masculine, 20-30 year old, muscular guys.  I’m not sure if Vin Diesel is on these sites…but he would be really busy if he were.   Is it any wonder these people are staying up late at night on their computers pecking out profiles looking for “the one”?  “The One” doesn’t really exist.  Stop being so damn picky.  Expand your vision.  Open your mind to different experiences.  I’m a tall, skinny, long-haired sexy mofo who does what he does VERY well (have you looked at my lips??) and you passed this up because you were looking for Jake Gyllenhaal.  (Jake…if you’re reading this….I’m looking for you too.  Tim said it’s okay to accept your advances.)  And now…Tim (who just happens to be tall, dark, and handsome.  I got all three in him!) has me.

I did happen to go to Craigslist today just to see what was going on there.  I didn’t even know they had a “missed connections” thing on there.  I’m going to have to check that more often!!  haha  You know…just for entertainment purposes.

My point is (and I DO have one) is stop limiting yourself to an age bracket.  And stop judging someone’s personality by their pictures.  You would be very surprised by the outcome.  You also might be shocked that the very thing you were looking for was someone you may have disregarded before with all of your restrictions.  I’m just sharing some of my sage advice that I have been gathering for all of my past 29 years.  =)

Oh..and one last thing….I forgot to mention about the tons of straight guys who were afraid the gay guys aren’t discreet.  Are you kidding me?  If a gay guy can pull off that he’s actually gay to all of his family and friends for years and then they are shocked…horrified!…that he’s gay ..then yeah, gay guys are masters at discretion!  Your girlfriend would never have to know about you and me, Jake.  =)

Good luck on your hunt!

It occurred to me today, as I was driving a 26 mile stretch of US Highway 52 behind a driver who couldn’t get their vehicle over 45 mph on a two lane highway, that some people need to go back to driver school and renew their driver’s license that they got back in 1940.  I’m pretty sure the rules have changed since the horse and buggy days when they originally took their driving test.

I got my driver’s license back when I was 16.  I’ve been driving for more years than some of you have been alive.  The last time I renewed my license in 2009, I decided to go through the online driving course and go in and take the driver test.  You know, where the evaluator sits next to me and has me drive and back up and do the three point turn and parallel park.  I passed.  I wasn’t worried about that.  But I DID learn a few things that I had forgotten.  I got one mark against me because I didn’t stop at the stop sign for three seconds.  That’s the only mistake I made.  I actually called in to ask for the retest to be done since I had to pay $54 to renew my license…I may as well get the whole enchilada.  SOME people need to do exactly what I just did.  I’m sure they wouldn’t pass.

People obviously don’t know that turning signals are standard on all vehicles.  And that brakes should only be used to slow down or to stop.  Not to tap your foot on while listening to the radio.  These people in my small town will break for anything and everything.  Drives me crazy!  The lines in the road are guidance.  You’re supposed to stay in between them.  Not weave back and forth and bounce between them.  You’re making me dizzy following you!  And geez…the speed limit posted is usually the best speed for the area for maximized flow of traffic.  Not a suggestion.  Just because the speed limit posted is “55″ doesn’t mean that you can do 30 – 50 or anything up to 55.  I usually do 65 to 70 in those spots IF I’m not behind a white haired driver.  And when the one lane you’ve clogged up for 26 miles finally goes two lanes…don’t you fucking DARE get into the fast lane.  Nothing is “fast” about you.  Let the rest of us behind you (all 20 of us) pass your ass before you spread your wings and pretend you’re on the Geriatric Autobahn.  Geezy Chreezy.

I told Tim that one day I’m going to start a website where you can post tag numbers and the make and model of the car who pisses you off.  Then you’ll be marred for life.  You’ll be able to put in comments like “you cannot drive!!” or “where’d you get your license??” for the whole world to see.  Just wait…one day I’ll have that site up.  It’ll be HUGE!  Unless…of course….you end up on it.  Then you won’t be so happy.

The other thought I had was that we should be able to paintball other people’s cars.  Yellow is for dingaling drivers.  The stupid ones who should’ve stayed home until I got off the road.  Brown would be for the assholes.  That way..when you’re driving down the road and you see a car with brown paint splatters all over it…stay away from them!  It’ll work once we can get congress and the senate to pass the “Paintball the irritating drivers” bill passed.

Ok…I feel better now.  My road rage has passed.  Until the next time I go out on that highway and get stuck behind another old fart going 45 mph in a designated 55 mph stretch for 30 minutes.  If that happens…I’m pulling the paintball gun from the backseat.  I swear it!!  Bill or no bill.

What is it lately about suicides?  I thought for sure everyone who knows me knows exactly where I stand on the romanticism of taking one’s own life.  I’m totally against it…here’s why:

There is absolutely no reason to take your own life.  It’s not a religious belief since I’m not a religious man at all.  It’s a selfish shortcut that takes you away from what ails you.  But what about those you are leaving behind that actually do care about you and your well-being?  I am sure that if you look around, there are plenty of people you can talk to or who will support you to dig you out of whatever emotional trench you’re in.  There’s no need to end it all.  Ever.  And if you DON’T have someone to talk to…then contact me.  I’ll be happy to discuss your troubles with you.

My father committed suicide back in 2003 by pointing a gun to his chest while he sat at home…alone…in his favorite chair.  My mother and her husband found him in his bloody state some hours after it all went down.  The man was selfish in life…so it wasn’t surprising he’d be selfish in the manner of his death, as well.  His cancer he was just beginning to deal with was not only eating away at his body…it was eating away at his mind, too.  Had to be since he thought shooting himself was the ideal way his family wanted to spend the following month.  Did he reach out to anyone?  I’m guessing not.  Everyone seemed shocked at this little event.  Except me.  I know all I was thinking was “I could’ve done it for him some 20 years ago and he wouldn’t have had to go through all of this”.  It’s no secret that my father and I weren’t pals.  Did I want him dead?  Not in THIS manner.  No.

I see so many young people (and by young…I mean under 25ish) that think suicide is sexy.  They’re in love with the idea of ending their life instead of finding a solution to their problem.  In my 47 years, I’ve seen some shit.  I’ve had my fair share of the crickety ol’ rollercoaster of life.  And what I’ve learned is that no matter how down you can get…the only way is up.  The saying “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” is so very true.

I’ve always thought that what Dr. Jack Kevorkian does for the terminally ill patients is necessary.  At least to those people who have thought it out some.  They knew they were going to die soon anyway.  No reason to prolong the inevitable.  But to kill yourself over lost love or because you can’t pay the phone bill is crazy talk in my book.

Maybe I should start an organization where we legally kill you if you are serious about committing suicide.  Call my team and we’ll be right over to kill you in the way you choose for only $99.95.  Of course, I’d have to secure a license to kill.  And a few people who aren’t afraid to pull the trigger.  I think there’s a lucrative business that no one has thought about yet.  We’ll call it “By My Side Suicide”.  No job too big or small.  One call does it all.

Of course we can’t go around killing people.  And just because you think it’s the end of the world…you can’t either.  Ok…you CAN.  But you shouldn’t.  I can seriously tell you that what happened 10 years ago is like a faded memory.  And in 10 years from today…you won’t even remember reading this blog.  My grandmother was a wise woman.  She always said “Don’t sweat the petty stuff.  And don’t pet the sweaty stuff.”  There is someone, somewhere, somehow that will miss your smile or your laugh or the way you held your head slightly to the left when you read your texts or how you ordered the same Mocha Frappuccino every Saturday at Starbucks. And that is the person you could’ve reached out to.

Sure…suicide may be painless.  TO YOU.  To the rest of us….we’ll be feeling the pain to the end of our non-suicidal, take-it-like-a-man, suck-it-up, just-say-NO-to-the-grim-reaper days.  Someone just may love you.  And that someone may be me.

‎“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

This is a late night rapid fire.  As always, this is MY point of view.  Feel free to leave yours without the hate that usually clings to opposing views.  Thanks!